be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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