every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
