Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
