How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
