have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
