is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My vagina is officially offended.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
