Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
