just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
