You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
