i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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