I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
