you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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