OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
