It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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