we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
