hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
