At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
