Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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