8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
