At least make sure they are 18
Why
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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