also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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