Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize