Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
