i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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