Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
