No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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