I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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