My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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