Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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