Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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