So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he was CRYING into my vagina
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
