i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
