We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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