The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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