..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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