the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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