just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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