ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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