I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
