just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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