so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
