Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
