Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
