Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
