do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
