what day is it and did you see me today?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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