I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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