____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
