kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
