shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
