My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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