wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
