Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
