I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
