I accidentally had phone sex last night
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
