Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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