Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
