Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
