I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
