i just had sex bonerless
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
