did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
