If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My feet surprised me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
