Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize