And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
