Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize