4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
