did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
A+ Viking dick
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
