His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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