I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
