capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
