Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We just shotgunned beers for America
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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