so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
