There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
