Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
